The Story continues

This picture was taken on April 13, 2008.

Options: Lose weight or die! Cut and dry. Clean and simple. Because of the heart problem I had under control, I was left with the aftermath of being on coumadin until further notice. For those not familiar with the term, coumadin is a blood thinner that helps reduce the incidence of clots in the body. Therefore, no surgery to lose the weight. No lap band, no stapling, no stomach reduction, no surgery whatsoever. I couldn't fast the weight off because in all reality the body will adversely react because it thinks that you are starving. As a result, you gain it all back. Seriously, I've tried it before and it wasn't the best way.

So, what to do. The only weapons left in my arsenal: pity, despair, emptiness, or discipline. I really can't say what got me where I was at. I do remember eating to give me comfort when my family began to die one by one. My grandmother in 1998. My father in 1999. My grandfather in 2000. My mother in 2008. I remember thinking it was a better idea to take care of things than to take care of myself. I remember the loathing that I had when I looked at the mirror or even pictures like the one at the top of this entry. I must admit to beginning to feel sorry for my wife who had to sleep next to me and even anyone that had to be in my presence for any length of time. On October 22, 2008, all that changed. My mom died that day and I began the wait for the death certificate. When I got the death certificate, it became clear to me I had to do something. It was a decision that no amount of self-pity, self-loathing, or despair was going to jump start. So, it began.

For the record, it is my sincerest goal to be able to post a picture of what I currently look like on October 30. The date is roughly the anniversary of my encounter with mom's death certificate. I know it's only August 18 but, hey, it's not that far away. Really.