A beachhead

I've been doing this for a while now and I've learned many lessons. First, eating too much is a relative thing as you lose mass. What was once the least I would consume has become the most I can consume. I can still debauch on food but it takes a lot less but still could be just as debilitating to the effort. One piece of pizza is not eight pieces but still a better choice can be made. Second, there are many different versions of the same size. I'll admit to being a bit discouraged along the way. I would lose a size and it would fit in one store but not another. It took a little education but I think I've got that there are more than one size 48 in this world. Third, discouragement still lurks around the dark corners of my mind. I'm still making strides but have hit another plateau. Initially, it was devastating but now its just a fact of life. I just have to push harder and I will. Last, sometimes people get used to the way you are. This last fact actually motivates me to keep fighting the fight. So what, I've lost over a hundred pounds. Big deal, I've still got more to lose. On the one hand, I've come a long way. On the other hand, I've still got far to go.

One thing that I must guard myself from is becoming complacent. When you become complacent, you become familiar. When you become familiar, you get stagnant. I will be at least two sizes smaller by Christmas. I will not give up despite of how complacent I've become with who I am now. I will keep fighting this fight until I've reached my goal. At this point, it is a 38 - 40 inch waist.

Onward we go

It's been three weeks since I have reported. Been a doing a bit of traveling here lately and I'll try to do better. The transformation continues as the possibilities are becoming endless. I am now in better shape than I was in my early twenties. My only regret now is that I've had to wait until now to get that way. I was in rather bad way with my heart issues when I was younger but I really could've taken better care of myself. But, the regret is short lived as the journey continues.

The change in attitude --watching the intake of that which I once considered necessary, actually caring that exercise five times a week, etc. --- has been a while in coming. I have determined that past is prologue and the present and future are my only sight. I can now run where I once literally dragged myself. I now soar where I once was grounded. No words can really capture the emotions that well inside of me when I think of how far this journey has taken me. I can scarcely wait for what is ahead. I will promise to begin, next Sunday, to go back to reporting every Saturday.

Conquer

When taking lost ground very often the small victories are just as satisfying as the large ones. Last week I reported of the feeling of freedom on a theme park ride. This week, I'm no longer afraid of restaurant booths. Booths were a flashpoint of shame and despair for me. I remember weighing over 400 pounds and going out to eat with friends after church on Sunday. The place was full and the only place open was a booth. I remember everyone slipping in comfortably and settling in. I arranged to slip in last. I couldn't even manage to squeeze into the opening much less the seat itself. After much fighting with it, I asked to pull up a chair at the end of the table. Because of the press of people at the lunch crowd, the chair was not an option. I remember that the whole party had to move or I could sit out front while they ate lunch. Miraculously, a table that could accomodate us opened up. Unfortunately, that meant everyone else had to move. Humiliating doesn't even begin to cover it. As I look back on that time, I realize that my body was once a prison. True, there were no bars or chains but still the feeling was just as stifling.

Since that time, almost six years ago, I have not wanted to sit in another booth. Lately, I have. Last Friday, I sat in booth with as much clearance as the one I previously mentioned. Yes, I did get some ptsd. I got apprehensive. Then, the boldness showed up. Confidently, I sat down and slid in to the seat. I even had enough clearence to sit sideways. This is conquer. This is why I lose.

Freedom

Okay, so I haven't visited in a month. My apologies. Yesterday, I experienced something that I haven't in quite some time. I actually was strapped into a ride at a theme park and was catapulted 32 stories in the air and felt the exhilaration of quickly leaving the ground. I fit into a theme park ride over and over again. I have had many victories over this process and this is one that I dreaded the most. When I started I could not: a) walk into a store and buy clothes off the rack any where but at a specialy store; b) stare at a table of fried foods and not consume great portions of them: c) buckle into an airplane seat without an extension; d) fit comfortably into a movie seat; and e) even consider going to a regulation theme park and ride a ride. It seems as though that ever slowly I'm being given back a life that I had all at once given up. Yesterday, as the ride began the first twenty feet and paused, I thought that I would never be in that seat. As the ride less than gently made me take flight, for a moment I could see the world unfettered. It felt good. I bought season tickets. I will return.

Travel

A guy who has lost more weight than me.

There's a trick to traveling and becoming more healthy. You have to plan. Plan to exercise. Plan to eat well. Plan to take care of yourself. I know. It may seem like a daunting task but try thinking of it this way. If you were home, you'd have to make the same adjustments. Think of it as way of continuing the habit that you have already started. Instead of choosing a hotel based on the restaurants around or in it, choose a place that either has access to a workout facility of any kind -no matter how small, it's still a workout - to keep in step, as much as possible, with your plan. Eating is a bit tricky especially if you don't have control over the menu. Eliminate the impossible. Create a protocol. With me it works this way: a) no fried; b) no simple carbs - cakes, white bread, etc.; c) no sodas - diet or otherwise, from here you build. Are there vegetables? Are there fruits? Is it grilled? By training the mind to focus on what could potentially bad for you and triaging them out of the way, it's easier to build up. Remember, food isn't a pleasure. It's a necessity. Because of it's necessity, it's always best to choose that which will give you energy than slow you down. But, what if you can't follow the protocol? Eat as small as possible and promise to add a little bit to the workout for the day. Don't carry the regret of an occasional out of sync meal. Move in and determine to keep it to a minimum. Yes, it's a lot of work but worth the payoff.

Almost a year

It's been almost a year since I started writing this blog. The changes since I have begun have almost been shocking. I write today because this week, I go to have my yearly physical. I cannot begin to imagine to what extent that my body will have reacted. What will have changed? What will be the same? I won't know until the end of the week. I do know that I am not afraid of exercise or eating less anymore. When I travel, it is more important to me that I am able to work out than where I eat. Don't get me wrong. Eating is still important. Food gives me energy instead of happiness. It gives me fuel not well being. Certainly, another year of hard work will bring me closer to that which I seek -- the ability to have my body better react to its surroundings. One lesson I have learned in the last year, the reflection may change in a month, it is better to discipline and live than to not discipline and slowly see death coming toward you. I know that sounds melodramatic. But, it is where I live now.

Doubts, fears, and triumphs

When I began this journey, I never really thought I'd get very far. The walking, the change in diet and attitude, all part of the process. So, now what? I've crossed the hundred pound barrier and now I fear I'll plateau and stop. Or, that I'll lose so much that I'll have to have surgery to deal with excess skin. No matter the circumstance, I guess it's part of the journey. I do know I'm feeling better and have more energy. I'm coming up on my first year of the blog. I'll post another update picture. Until then, my current profile pic was taken two weeks ago.