Conquer

When taking lost ground very often the small victories are just as satisfying as the large ones. Last week I reported of the feeling of freedom on a theme park ride. This week, I'm no longer afraid of restaurant booths. Booths were a flashpoint of shame and despair for me. I remember weighing over 400 pounds and going out to eat with friends after church on Sunday. The place was full and the only place open was a booth. I remember everyone slipping in comfortably and settling in. I arranged to slip in last. I couldn't even manage to squeeze into the opening much less the seat itself. After much fighting with it, I asked to pull up a chair at the end of the table. Because of the press of people at the lunch crowd, the chair was not an option. I remember that the whole party had to move or I could sit out front while they ate lunch. Miraculously, a table that could accomodate us opened up. Unfortunately, that meant everyone else had to move. Humiliating doesn't even begin to cover it. As I look back on that time, I realize that my body was once a prison. True, there were no bars or chains but still the feeling was just as stifling.

Since that time, almost six years ago, I have not wanted to sit in another booth. Lately, I have. Last Friday, I sat in booth with as much clearance as the one I previously mentioned. Yes, I did get some ptsd. I got apprehensive. Then, the boldness showed up. Confidently, I sat down and slid in to the seat. I even had enough clearence to sit sideways. This is conquer. This is why I lose.