Onward we go

It's been three weeks since I have reported. Been a doing a bit of traveling here lately and I'll try to do better. The transformation continues as the possibilities are becoming endless. I am now in better shape than I was in my early twenties. My only regret now is that I've had to wait until now to get that way. I was in rather bad way with my heart issues when I was younger but I really could've taken better care of myself. But, the regret is short lived as the journey continues.

The change in attitude --watching the intake of that which I once considered necessary, actually caring that exercise five times a week, etc. --- has been a while in coming. I have determined that past is prologue and the present and future are my only sight. I can now run where I once literally dragged myself. I now soar where I once was grounded. No words can really capture the emotions that well inside of me when I think of how far this journey has taken me. I can scarcely wait for what is ahead. I will promise to begin, next Sunday, to go back to reporting every Saturday.

Conquer

When taking lost ground very often the small victories are just as satisfying as the large ones. Last week I reported of the feeling of freedom on a theme park ride. This week, I'm no longer afraid of restaurant booths. Booths were a flashpoint of shame and despair for me. I remember weighing over 400 pounds and going out to eat with friends after church on Sunday. The place was full and the only place open was a booth. I remember everyone slipping in comfortably and settling in. I arranged to slip in last. I couldn't even manage to squeeze into the opening much less the seat itself. After much fighting with it, I asked to pull up a chair at the end of the table. Because of the press of people at the lunch crowd, the chair was not an option. I remember that the whole party had to move or I could sit out front while they ate lunch. Miraculously, a table that could accomodate us opened up. Unfortunately, that meant everyone else had to move. Humiliating doesn't even begin to cover it. As I look back on that time, I realize that my body was once a prison. True, there were no bars or chains but still the feeling was just as stifling.

Since that time, almost six years ago, I have not wanted to sit in another booth. Lately, I have. Last Friday, I sat in booth with as much clearance as the one I previously mentioned. Yes, I did get some ptsd. I got apprehensive. Then, the boldness showed up. Confidently, I sat down and slid in to the seat. I even had enough clearence to sit sideways. This is conquer. This is why I lose.